I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
