I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
