If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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