i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
