I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am one with the molecules
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
