you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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