It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
