I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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