Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
