I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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