Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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