There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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