chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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