My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
