wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
