Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
