omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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