Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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