The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
