You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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