i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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