how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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