If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
