My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
