Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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