even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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