i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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