why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
