the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
