I'm eating all of the evidence.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
