can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
