we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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