So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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