I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
