the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
