Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
