Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
