Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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