i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
