I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
