This is not my ceiling
time to smoke my breakfast
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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