If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
how does that bad decision feel?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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