I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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