I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
