But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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