and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i believe in u and ur pee
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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