I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
