So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
