God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
