it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just want to make out with him forever
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
