My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Watching her eat just hurts me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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