i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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