May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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