I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
