I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
