Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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