i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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