your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
