I look better un-naked...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
