We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want her autograph on my taint
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
