Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
