One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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