im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
