I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
