So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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